The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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