I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
