I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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