So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
