maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
