she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
