Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Well I just put wine in my tea
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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