Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
