he wants to bone in the snuggie
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
