Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Randomize
