You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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