My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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