I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We are two peas in an std pod
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
