At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Congratulations! We have a period
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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