She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
