Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
