I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize