I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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