What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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