stop calling my apartment porn island.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
