I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
