gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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