Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
