I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
