When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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