is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
