four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
