It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Randomize
