It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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