I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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