this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
