How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
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Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
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you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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