Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you told grandpa to call you daddy
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Randomize
