so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
