hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
