Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
