I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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