Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
