how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
