Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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