so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
