Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
