I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
