i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
