you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
