I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
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