You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
