You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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