I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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