I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
