Princesses don't give blow jobs
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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