Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
