you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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