well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
