If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
