Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
