remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
