just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
