Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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