I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
