There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
