Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
