i think i have two assholes
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
