I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
