don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
