I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
