I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
