this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
