i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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