Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
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i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
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I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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