He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
