When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
