I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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