singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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