Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
