He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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