she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
