Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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