Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
