Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
