You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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