Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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