Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
