I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
