Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
